FALL MUST BE my favorite time of year. Could be because I like the rain?
People who love rain are called Pluviophiles or Mossbacks, or worse. We are said to be melancholy, but that is a bum rap promoted by drought lovers.
Lovers of rain find joy and satisfaction in rain.
The sound of falling rain helps us hibernate secure in the knowledge the fires the stupid humans caused last summer will finally be put out and we can breathe easier again.
The rain swells the rivers, bringing the salmon home and sprouts the mushrooms, and that is what I am talking about.
This is the season to pick the wild chanterelle. If you don’t know what a chanterelle mushroom is, you are probably not from around here.
Found all around our Earth, chanterelles have been popular in gourmet recipes since the Middle Ages. Eventually becoming a delicacy in French cuisine. Chanterelles not only taste good, they are good for you, with healthy doses of anti-oxidants, vitamins and minerals.
Picking chanterelles is like the biggest Easter egg hunt in the world, except people don’t generally get lost on an Easter egg hunt. Meanwhile, picking chanterelles is one of the best ways to get lost.
In fact, there are only two types of mushroom pickers: Those who have gotten lost in the woods and those who haven’t gotten lost, yet.
Perhaps it’s the secretive nature of the mushroom pickers themselves that has them getting lost so often. It is a tendency that develops even before the mushroom picker heads for the woods.
For example, it is a good idea to tell someone where you are going and when you will come back before you head out on an outdoor adventure. Unless you are a mushroom picker. Then your destination will remain a secret from your closest friends and family because you don’t want them horning in on your secret mushroom patch.
As to when you are returning from your wilderness adventure, who knows? It depends on how many mushrooms you find. So, forget about telling anyone where you are going or when you will get back — the average mushroom hunter has no idea themselves.
We are advised to carry a compass on any wilderness adventure, but a compass will only help you determine your direction if you take a reading before you are lost.
In the excitement of a mushroom hunt, the average mushroom picker thrills to the excitement of spotting the first mushroom and heads farther into the deep woods without another thought, finding more mushrooms over hill and dale long before they have any idea where they are going.
Inevitably, as the bucket fills with mushrooms, the day shortens and the shadows deepen, leaving our poor mushroom picker lost in the deep woods with no idea where the road might be.
It is at this point experts advise, “Don’t panic!”
These are the same experts who give the same advice when facing a nest of bald-faced hornets or the IRS. Which reveals the cold truth that these so-called experts have never faced these dangers themselves. I panic early and often, at every opportunity.
There are two ways to avoid getting lost in the woods. One of them is to stay out of the woods entirely. This is not an option available to the mushroom picker.
The other way to avoid getting lost is to choose the ground you’re picking your mushrooms on in the first place. Avoid flat ground. Pick uphill.
That way, you have only to walk downhill and you will find your vehicle. You’re welcome.
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Pat Neal is a Hoh River fishing and rafting guide and “wilderness gossip columnist” whose column appears here every Wednesday.
He can be reached at 360-683-9867 or by email via patnealproductions@gmail.com.