MY OLDEST DAUGHTER was recently married. I was reminded of the movie, “Father of the Bride.” My little girl, all of a sudden, was officially leaving the nest.
One moment that especially hit me was when she came out in her wedding dress the day before the ceremony for some bridal photos — it suddenly all felt very real. The end of an era. The wedding and reception were beautiful, and the future is bright for my daughter and her husband.
This month, my wife and I celebrate 30 years of marriage. Some might think we must have tons of marriage advice. If you asked my wife if I had any wisdom to share about marriage, she would be rolling on the floor laughing. So I won’t pretend that I know much about the secrets of successful marriages.
I can, however, offer some personal experiences. First, when I was dating and thinking about a future spouse, certain qualities mattered to me.
Most important was her faith in Jesus Christ. I wanted to raise a family grounded in the gospel. I was looking for someone who would help teach our children about the gospel and would be united with me in living and teaching its principles through the way we lived our lives.
Second, while dating, I thought about the kind of mother my future wife might be. Family has always been very important to me, and I wanted to have a loving, nurturing home for our children.
Third, I wanted to be with someone with whom I enjoyed spending time. After all, in my faith, we were planning on being married for eternity.
So when I was asked to give a toast at my daughter’s wedding, I thought about what I might say. My children know of my faith in God, so I didn’t feel that I needed to get on a soapbox about that.
As I reflected on where they were starting, in a basement apartment, two old cars in the driveway, both recently graduated with university degrees but not much career experience, barely anything in their bank accounts, a mix of hand-me-down furniture, and a lot of hopes and dreams. That all seemed very familiar to where my wife and I were 30 years ago.
So when it came time to give the toast at the wedding, I shared a piece of advice that I believe is especially important for young couples starting out: comparison is the thief of joy.
It’s easy to look around and see others with new cars, big homes, stylish furniture or high-paying jobs and feel like you’re missing out.
Don’t compare what you have to others. It robs you of the joy you should be having right now.
I encouraged them to embrace this stage of life — enjoy the simplicity and the time they have together. It’s a special time. Happiness doesn’t come from things — it comes from shared experiences, love and being present in the moment.
Looking back, I don’t get excited about the time I spent in my job or my career. Yes, providing for my family has been important, and I’m grateful I could do that, but what truly stands out are the moments I stepped away from work for family vacations, camping trips, reunions and all the simple times we spent just being together.
Sure, I enjoy classic cars, big-screen TVs and hobbies. But lasting joy — what endures — comes from the relationships we build and the memories we create with the people we love.
So if you’re a young couple, start by prioritizing time together. If you’re in the thick of raising kids, be intentional — put family time on the calendar. And if you’re in the empty-nest stage, find ways to bring the family together.
Things don’t matter. Too much time is spent in pursuit of things. What matters most are those we love.
Invest your time in family relations and your relationship with God.
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Issues of Faith is a rotating column by religious leaders on the North Olympic Peninsula. Bishop Jason Bringhurst is the leader of the Mount Pleasant Ward of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in Port Angeles, ComeUntoChrist.org. His email is jasonbring@gmail.com.
