OH … GOODIE. A tiding of great joy.
Spread the word, far and wide across the land: Because we’re morphing to “Daylight Saving Time,” (so you’ll have to stop frivolously wasting all that daylight), today, we get to change the clocks.
(I know: Change them to what?)
No, they’ll still be clocks, we just get to change what time it is; specifically, we get to reset them all to one hour ahead of where they are (specifically, the time that we thought it was, before it was today), because now, it’s a new time: It’s … now.
(Which is what it was before, except now it’s a different “now.” Yes, “now” has changed).
Alright, I agree: This is getting a little confusing.
Let’s try again: Today is the day that we “spring forward.”
So, whatever time your clock says it is, it isn’t.
Your job is to now spend the better part of today attempting to make today be on time.
True, some things will take care of themselves, so your computer, smartphone, some digital clocks and some appliances (e.g. smart TV’s, etc.) will probably take care of themselves, which might disturb some of us, if we thought about it for too long.
(“How come my TV knows more about what time it is than I do?”)
So, let’s not think about it for too long.
Many other appliances/gadgets/tools are too stupid to know what time it ought to be, without us telling them, so we’ll have to tell them, such as watches (if you still have a watch), the clock on the oven, the clock on the microwave, the timer on the coffeemaker (this is the first priority at my house) and numerous plug-in and battery-driven clocks that might be strewn about your living quarters.
(NOTE: This is when you might discover that it’s been 3:17 a.m. in the guest bedroom for a considerable time, which might or might not be a problem, depending on how much you like 3:17 a.m. or how much you like the guest bedroom. Proceed as you see fit.)
Done? No.
Your car probably doesn’t know what time it is now, so you’ll have to tell it, if you care.
I don’t care, preferring to simply add 60 minutes to whatever time my car thinks it is as opposed to spending most of the day trying to understand the one and a half pages in the owner’s manual that are devoted to resetting the clock.
Done now?
Well, probably; however, some of us have cool gadgets such as medication reminders that are set to day/time.
They probably update themselves, but you might want to check (unless, of course, you’ve spent most of your time in the guest bedroom, where absolutely nothing has changed for some time. Sweet bliss).
Now, all that’s left is to reset your body.
You know, the tool that has learned to sleep at certain times and get up at certain times and be hungry at certain times and … right.
This might take a little while, so patience is recommended.
The fact that we have years of research definitively documenting the escalating levels of chaos, dysfunction and destruction that are routinely brought about by changing time twice a year should be ignored, for exactly the same reasons that we ignore our inability to fund the United States Postal Service: It just is.
This is a dangerous phase in the process, because it tends to lead some of us into philosophical reflections upon the nature of “time” and our societal reliance on the measurement of a largely ethereal dynamic: Does it matter to the universe whether I think it’s 3:17 a.m. or 4:17 a.m.?
Answer: No.
Why don’t I just eat when I’m hungry and sleep when I’m tired and … I don’t know, why don’t you?
Oh, well, I guess it might matter if you need to be in synch with the rest of the world, like you have a job or a doctor’s appointment or you’re cooking a 3-minute egg (… wait: three minutes is still three minutes, right? It’s just not the same three minutes that it was before I got up today. See? A very dangerous phase).
But we will, eventually, adjust — humans are remarkable, when it comes to adjusting.
Eventually, we might learn to appreciate some additional daylight at 9:30 p.m. or some additional darkness at 6 a.m. Or, we might not.
But it won’t matter, because: “It is what it is.”
(NOTE: Please forgive the use of that utterly meaningless phrase. Of course, it is what it “is.” Did you suspect that it might be something it wasn’t? Or that it wasn’t what it was? See? A very dangerous phase.)
Enough.
We need to get to some serene acceptance about this whole thing and embrace the wisdom to know what we cannot change, and cut to what really matters, today.
You know those new Medicare cards that we’re all anticipating?
The ones that will not have our Social Security numbers on them?
They’ll start being mailed to Washington residents after June of this year.
Unless you spend most of your time in the guest bedroom, in which case, it’s a crapshoot.
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Mark Harvey is director of Clallam/Jefferson Senior Information & Assistance, which operates through the Olympic Area Agency on Aging. He is also a member of the Community Advocates for Rural Elders partnership. He can be reached at 360-452-3221 (Port Angeles-Sequim), 360-385-2552 (Jefferson County) or 360-374-9496 (West End), or by emailing harvemb@dshs.wa.gov.
